Seriously, Mom?

Let me introduce myself. My name is Ellis. My mom calls me Elly Belly. It's annoying, but she feeds me. I am a Silver Tabby Maine Coon mix, and the youngest of 3. I live with my human mom, Katie, my human dad, Scott, and my fur brothers Vinny - a big fat pig who won't stop sneezing, and Helton, a pain in the ass who tries to bully Vinny and I but is afraid of his shadow. I am 4 years old and I have my mom wrapped around my paw.

So, yeah. We run this place. Or, shall I say, I run this place. I was born with cerebellar hypoplasia, but luckily it's really mild. Sometimes I fall over when I shake or when I go to rub against something. It gets people to feel sorry for me, but then I show them what a brut I am and how I can hold my own, and they think I'm pretty cool.

So tonight I'm just getting ready to sit down to some grub, and mom comes home. YAY! Mom is my favorite. Dad gets annoyed with her because she always takes my side, even when I'm a brat.

But this time it's different. She has two overgrown rats on leashes. And they're in MY house. And now they're going towards MY food. That's it, I'm outta here. On the deck, that is. Hmm... was that a bark? Maybe they're dogs. They're not much bigger than me. In fact, upon further inspection, I think I'm bigger. But seriously, Mom? What's the deal with this? I HATE dogs.

So, I hide behind the end table while they sniff everything in site and eat some of MY food. Mom tells them to stop and they do. For a second. I am SO not having this. My brothers are just staring at them, and even 'Fraidy Cat Helton isn't budging. I think Vinny just rolled his eyes. But I am not a trusting fool like them. Oh no.

So, the evening progresses, and one of those "dogs" (eww, I hate even saying the word!) gets on MY bed. The other one is begging for food from MY dad. Does no one care to consult with the ones that matter around here? I heard mom say something about 3 weeks. I'm no numbers guy, but it sounds pretty ominous. My mom had certainly better make this up to me. Or I'll make her 3 weeks just a bit hellish.

Signing off,
Ellis D Sanchez