*Yawn*

It was really nice of the things to bring me my very own kitty condo. I especially like the Colorado Rapids blanket that they put in there to make it extra cushy and warm for me. Lately I have been enjoying taking long naps in there in privacy and seclusion, but today I had some company.

The female thing, Paisley, decided to join me for a nice mid-afternoon snooze. Now, normally I would frown on such a situation, but I was already quite comfortable curled up in the blanket. It would have been much more effort to get up, kick her butt, and push her out. This is my house, remember.

Dad is sad because the Rockies lost last night. Helton is, too. My A's have been out of contention for so long that I have been watching the Rockies with them, so I'm a little sad too and so is mom. Mom and dad are going to the game tomorrow and they said it's the last game of the regular season. I hope they win. Mom said she doesn't like when none of her teams are in the playoffs, so tomorrow could very well be the last baseball games we watch in this house. That makes me sad because it means summer is over, and, despite my abundance of fur, I love the warm weather.

So, here's my plea for today:

GO ROCKIES!!!

Like a lazy fly ball,
Ellis D

Oh, how the mighty have fallen

So, our wonderful Fluff left in the bag in the morning with dad. It's never a good sign if you go away in that bag. Ok, it's not a bag, it's a 'travel crate', but when Vinny left last time he came home missing a tooth! So, guess what... Helton came home NEKKID!!!!!

And, to throw salt in his wounds, Rocco (I found out the things have names) thought that he was a DOG! BWAHAHAHAHA! He kept following him around sniffing his butt. I almost felt sorry for him because he kept hiding and didn't like when mom would try to pick him up, but then I remembered all the times he's bitchslapped me for no reason. He got what he had coming! Mom says it will grow back, but secretly I hope it won't. It's fun to stare and point and laugh. Vinny doesn't seem to care. As long as he gets food, all is right in his world.

The things are doing ok, I guess. The one still runs into me. Ugh! And she jumped on the bed the other night when Vinny & I were snuggled up with mom. I, of course, stood my ground, but Vinny took off. He probably was just hungry. Mom puts the things in the crate at night now, because Rocco has had a few accidents and mom is starting to get high from the cleaning fumes. They do well with that, though. They don't have beautiful hair like me and Helton... oh wait... hahahahahahaha... to keep them warm.

So, I guess I can finish this post by saying that it's very obvious now who the most handsome cat in the house is.

Um, that's me.

Yours in beauty,
Ellis D

Bwahahahah Fluff!

Helton has to get shaved! That's what you get for not taking care of your beautiful fur. Dad is bringing him in on his way to work on Tuesday. I bet he's gonna look DUMB. HAHAHAHAHA!

So, my mom and her friends write "Dear _____ " letters. Here is my contribution.

Dear Female Thing,
I am a big furry cat. I am dark grey. I know you are half blind, but I AM LARGE. I have lost track of how many times you have run into me. I have feelings too, you know. You are lucky that I am patient and gimpy myself, or else we might have to take this outside. I suggest you start watching yourself.
Sincerely,
The cat, not the invisible man

Mom also said that she is going to have to rent a steam cleaner for when the dogs leave. They don't know how to use the litter box like we do, and during the night they leave icky surprises of the #1 kind. Mom has gone through 2 bottles of Spot Shot already.

Mom is yelling at Helton right now. He's up on the counter. Maybe she should just let him be up there but threaten him with the fact that bad kitties go bald. Vinny and I can't wait til Tuesday night!

Hasta luego,
Ellis D

My mom, cat abuser

Well, I guess we can put it this way - if Helton would just take care of his fat ass, we wouldn't be in this pickle. But, he didn't, and he has mats in his fur on his hind end. So, mom was trying to brush them out last night and it didn't go so well, so she took the scissors to a few. And, well, also took the scissors to his skin. He has a hole the size of a dime on his hindquarters. Mom cleaned it up real good, but he was pretty moody last night. But, by this morning he was back to his old self so I guess that's a good thing. Either way, I shall be grooming myself a little better just in case.

Then there's Vinny. Mom always says he's the "best cat ever", blah blah blah... well guess what he did this morning? He POOPED ON HER SOFA! Can you believe that? So mom had to do a little extra cleaning while getting ready for work. She wasn't happy at all. I could see if those things did it, but noooOOOoooo. It was Mr. Perfect Angel himself.

Mom's friend Julia (aka Tavi's mom) showed her this picture this morning. I feel that it defines all that I believe as a feline blogger. Many thanks to Julia for understanding just how hard it can be to be a cat some days.

Ciao,
Ellis D

Hello, big fat cat!

So, these things seem to not have a very good sense of direction. The smaller one has walked right into me on more than one occasion, as well as Vinny. I'm not sure if you've seen Vinny or not, but he's... uh... thick around the middle. (mom said it's not nice to call people fat, so that is my nice way of saying he's a fat cow). How can you not see a big beached black whale like him? I almost feel sorry for the thing - I mean, running into him is like running into a brick wall!

This morning was fun. I woke up about 5am (I felt like sleeping in) and started walking all over my mom - until I lost my footing and ended up on the floor. But hey, there are magazines down there. They have a flavor. So, I licked them. Then mom must have missed me and picked me back up and put me on the bed. So, I walked all over her again and again, slipped. (I try not to complain about my handicap, but sometimes it catches me off guard). I tasted some more flavor and whoosh, mom picked me up again. I love mom! So, I laid down on top of her head and purred just as loud as I could to make sure she knew how much I love her!

Last night was very exciting. The Rockies beat the Dodgers with Todd Helton's walkoff. Mom said "way to go Flufferbutt!" Helton was pretty proud of his namesake. And then he fell asleep.

TTFN,
Ellis D

It's all fun and games

Until someone yanks the leash too hard and the thing yelps. Helton and I are really into chasing the leashes when they're on the things. Sometimes when we land a little too hard, it obviously works up the big wuss and he yelps. Whatever. Man up.

So, mom was sad because the Raiders lost yesterday. Of course that means that the Broncos won! I'm kinda mad she took cousin Michael instead of me, but I'm not really into car rides. It would have been fun to have gotten underfoot there. She said there was lightning and thunder and rain. I don't mind lightning and thunder, but I'm not into getting wet. She said there was a mean Bronco fan that made fun of her on the walk back to the car. It's a good thing I wasn't there because I would have... would have... uh. I don't have claws. I would have brought out the Vinner. He has claws, and we don't mess with him. The things avoid him. Mainly because he weighs twice as much as they do! He protects our food from them, however he then eats almost all of it himself.

We got to see our Uncle Craig yesterday. I kept rubbing up on his leg but all he ever did was say "hello, cat". Something about allergies. Did he not see how handsome I am? Then Vinny sneezed and he said "I know how you feel". Maybe they should pull some of his teeth like they did to Vinny and see if that helps at all.

This morning, Helton the pain in the ass was being a bad kitty as usual. Dad took him down off the counter and put him on the floor. Then he walked past me as I was just lounging around and smacked me upside the head. Uh. Don't worry. I'll plot with Vinny and we'll get revenge. Sometimes it's nice to have a big thug named Vinny around.

Ciao,
Ellis D

Suck it, Fluff!

Saturday was Rival Day at our house. My Gators took on Helton's Vols. Like it was going to even be a contest. We chomped up those Vols 59-20 and Helton proceeded to pout in the corner (until mom and dad got home, then he jumped on the counter like the bad kitty he is). Vinny follows South Dakota State, but, uh, who are THEY anyway? Mom was happy that the Gators won, but sad about Notre Dame and Minnesota. Both mom and dad were glad that Nebraska lost. Dad wanted Colorado to win, but stupid Florida State did. Boo.

The things have been doing ok. The bigger one has had a couple accidents in the house, but mom says that's her fault because she waited too long to take him out (silly her for wanting to sleep in past 7!) The bigger one got all worked up this morning because I was playing with his leash. I mean, dangle it in front of me, and I'm going to attack it! Well, I went a bit too far and plowed into him and he yelped. I kinda felt bad, but then I remembered that I'm the superior being. Later on, the other thing was walking thru the living room and walked right into me! Stupid lady drivers!

Dad and uncle Craig are going to the Rapids game this afternoon. I'm not coordinated enough for soccer. Mom and my cousin Michael are going to the Raider/Bronco game. I hate the Raiders. But mom and Michael like them a lot. Uncle Craig does, too. Hopefully mom won't come home too crabby when the Raiders lose! Uh, hopefully mom comes home after having to deal with the Raider Haters...

Adios,
Ellis D

TGIF

I love Fridays. It means 2 days with my mom over the weekend. Unless she goes and does something without me. I don't like the car, so if it involves leaving in the car, well, I'm all for staying home

One of the things peed on one of our beds last night. I think it was the gimpy thing because he came in and woke up my mom at 2:30. He's so dumb. We don't start annoying mom until at least 4am. So, mom had to wash the cat bed before she went to work.

Sometimes she'll leave with the 2 things for like 10 minutes on leashes. We all get really excited because we think they're gone for good, but no, she always comes back with them. Ugh.

Tonight, Helton and I had some fun. Mom put me up on the sofa next to the gimpy thing. Then Helton came from the front and we both stared at it. I think that made it uncomfortable. The other, female, wears a Cleveland Browns warmie. I'm really not a Browns fan; I like the Broncos. My mom doesn't like them at all, but they're my dad's favorite. What can I say, I'm equal opportunity. Helton likes Peyton Manning, so he and mom will watch him together. Actually, Vinny watches with them and brags about how his full name is Vinatieri. Dad and I think they're dumb.

Mom finally gave up and just mixed all of our food together. She's smart sometimes, even if she does hate the Broncos.

TTFN,
Ellis D

Oh, brother.

I've got this new fun habit. I wake up between 4 and 4:30am and walk across mom to make sure she knows that I'm there. I'm her favorite, you know. Then I walk up above her head on the pillow and climb down on to the night stand. I sniff a bit, then jump on the floor and see what books or magazines she has down there. Then I taste them. You know, lick. They have a flavor. I do this for a short while and then she must really miss me because she always grabs me and puts me back on the bed. Even if I do it again, she does this. Then I just snuggle with her until her alarm goes off. Sometimes she mumbles things like "Ellis... really... enough". That must mean she's had enough sleep. So I try to play.

Today was relatively uneventful. Those... things are still here. But, I'm starting to get used to them. Really, they're somewhat afraid of me. And my brothers. Well, sometimes I'm afraid of Vinny's big butt, so I guess I can see that. Vinny and I had fun chasing each other tonight and wrestling.

So then, I decided, I'd have myself a taste. Just a little nibble. Of the dog food. You know what? It's not all that bad, really. Mom still isn't happy that we're exchanging food with the things. I heard her tell dad that she just gives up, and tomorrow she's just going to blend our food together.

One last thing - I found this little goodie near the crate where the things go during the day. I had a sniff of it. Smells... beefy. I bet it tastes like chicken, though.


Hasta la vista,
Ellis D

It wasn't a dream

I
had a good night's sleep. Stupid Helton didn't sleep on the bed so that is always nice. He does dumb stuff like gets under the covers with mom and dad. I keep hoping he'll suffocate. He never does.

But when I woke up, much to my horror, THEY WERE STILL HERE. It wasn't a dream. What is up with my mom and dad? Mom always said she liked longhairs. These guys have NO hair!

But, imagine my joy when mom locked them both in their crate when she left for work. HA! Free at last! Free at last! Wait... mom and dad are home... and they're out. Seriously, no one ever consults with me. Ever.

My brothers are so dumb. They eat dog food. They obviously have the IQ of a dog if they're gonna do that. Dummies. The female dog (notice I didn't say bitch) sat on the sofa with dad while he ate his chicken. Dad said he never wants dogs. I love my dad!

Mom took some pictures to help document this great injustice. Up above you see my brother Helton ignoring the male canine. Next to that is the female one trying to "blend in". Nice try. I still see you.

Til next time,
Ellis D

Seriously, Mom?

Let me introduce myself. My name is Ellis. My mom calls me Elly Belly. It's annoying, but she feeds me. I am a Silver Tabby Maine Coon mix, and the youngest of 3. I live with my human mom, Katie, my human dad, Scott, and my fur brothers Vinny - a big fat pig who won't stop sneezing, and Helton, a pain in the ass who tries to bully Vinny and I but is afraid of his shadow. I am 4 years old and I have my mom wrapped around my paw.

So, yeah. We run this place. Or, shall I say, I run this place. I was born with cerebellar hypoplasia, but luckily it's really mild. Sometimes I fall over when I shake or when I go to rub against something. It gets people to feel sorry for me, but then I show them what a brut I am and how I can hold my own, and they think I'm pretty cool.

So tonight I'm just getting ready to sit down to some grub, and mom comes home. YAY! Mom is my favorite. Dad gets annoyed with her because she always takes my side, even when I'm a brat.

But this time it's different. She has two overgrown rats on leashes. And they're in MY house. And now they're going towards MY food. That's it, I'm outta here. On the deck, that is. Hmm... was that a bark? Maybe they're dogs. They're not much bigger than me. In fact, upon further inspection, I think I'm bigger. But seriously, Mom? What's the deal with this? I HATE dogs.

So, I hide behind the end table while they sniff everything in site and eat some of MY food. Mom tells them to stop and they do. For a second. I am SO not having this. My brothers are just staring at them, and even 'Fraidy Cat Helton isn't budging. I think Vinny just rolled his eyes. But I am not a trusting fool like them. Oh no.

So, the evening progresses, and one of those "dogs" (eww, I hate even saying the word!) gets on MY bed. The other one is begging for food from MY dad. Does no one care to consult with the ones that matter around here? I heard mom say something about 3 weeks. I'm no numbers guy, but it sounds pretty ominous. My mom had certainly better make this up to me. Or I'll make her 3 weeks just a bit hellish.

Signing off,
Ellis D Sanchez